Halloween trumps Christmas in my book. Always has. Halloween has become a very special night.
I have always wanted to throw a Halloween party in my own house, and last night I did. We did. My fabulous roommates and I.
It was Disney’s Haunted mansion themed. Here’s a little looksie at the party of the year.
I wish I took more pictures, It is hard to be the hostess and the event photog. Everyone looked formally dead and terror-ific.
Everyone is broke.
Everyone needs money.
Including the state of California.
That is why on Saturday I got my first speeding ticket. Near the California/Nevada line is where they stick the robocops.
I swear he was a robot. No expression, no inflection, but I am pretty sure I heard some gears turning, or something.
And there I was, the only girl in a car full of boys, tears gushing from my swollen eyes.
Unlucky.
Luckless.
Delucked.
I still blame the semi that was toppling around on the curvy rode, he is the reason I sped up, so he wouldn’t FALL ON MY CAR!
And of course that is the exact moment the robot beamed down from space and got behind my car, because apparently cops are more likely to pull over cars with personalized license plates!
But here is the real deal, it was bound to happen, my first ticket, I am 20 years old, but I HAVE NO MONEY to pay for it. NONE.
I CAN’T AFFORD YOU STATE OF CALIFORNIA!
Now see if I was to get pulled over in Vegas my crying would have gotten me out of it.
The ticket is pretty bad though, 30 over, in a supposed ‘construction area,’ whatever.
IT WAS DOWNHILL ON A CURVY RODE WITH A TRUCK DRIVER ON SHROOMS TO MY RIGHT!
I could fight it but the state needs poor girls like me to screw up so they can get our money, so I highly doubt I’d win.
I am not fishing for sympathy. I am just unlucky these days.
You came on a train.
We stayed in a Lincoln log room with the smell of dust.
Grime in our fingerprints, you pulled me, a 27 second pull, while we pretended to care that they were looking.
My email conversation thus far with Bradley, my friend from the shop that I wrote about in an earlier post.
September 5th. from: late spring subject: greetingsi am such a bad writer been spending all my time learning adobe illustrator etc not much ice skating and rarely get to espresso shop and when i do it’s not tiffanie or blanca and it’s a lot different for me with you gone
how r u settled in and how r classes and photogrphy and new house and boy friends and girl friends and dog friends and cat friends and house mates and city mates and little mates and big mates and reading and writing and arithmetic
we r movng back 2 atlanta, shari’s message from god, so my plans for LA are gone vanished useless poofed spoofed goofed useless meaningless, and i don’t want 2 program anymore so hoping 2 get graphic and web design work as not enough business in atlanta for teaching calligraphy design painting drawing etc
i miss our conversations and discussions and talks over long and short blacks, and hope we can stay in touch, when i get a chance i will check out your facebook page 2 keep up with your hijinks and shenanigans
has tayray gone 2 british land yet?
here is update
shari and i are now at doug’s cat sitting until he returns on sept 9 and will stay a couple days 2 visit a little more with doug and then be on our way, we are stopping in las cruces, nm on way 2 spend night with friend and may stop in alamogordo 2 look for another friend
doug is in rome for a friend’s wedding and we are completely out of the old apartment where i stayed for five months shari and i are just hanging out here and there i ice skated yesterday and went to see district 9 again we both went to see julie and julia but i left and shari said it was ok
shari is mostly doing church stuff by herself here and i am mostly working on learing adobe illustrator and getting some design ideas for when we return to atlanta
we stll need to finish the boxing taping of paintings, books, dvd’s and get them off the two large paintings are being boxed and UPS’d by Box Bros
we can’t mail anything until we are almost ready to go so that we are there when things arrive
stephanie, doug’s ex fiance, is moving her stuff today, so we need to be here while the movers are taking her boxes
shari said god sent her a message about returning to atlanta, so that is where we are going
i will have much fewer options there than if we had gone to LA, so trying to put together a design portfolio and resume, so i can get some work, not sure how it will work out, still want to teach calligraphy, painting, and drawing, but need to get house fixed up, or get studio, everything is still boxed as shari had planned for a move which never happened
illustrator is a lot more difficult than photoshop which is more intuitive and processes work as expected with photoshop but not with illustrator, but a designer has 2 use illustrator
when we get home, i will need to scan in all the old design stuff laying around and put them on the web site
planning three web sites, which will work as examples of my web building and coding, which means both design (i am going 2 keep this part simple) and some jQuery coding, jQuery being a javascript ajax library which makes a lot of interactive effects much easier to render, such as swapping out images, etc
we are waiting for stephanie and movers to arrive and one of the cats, doug’s (Josie) is hiding and we don’t know where she is, except we know she is downstairs which is not good, so we have to hope she doesn’;t escape during the move
sorry, i haven’t written in a while, but everytime i get 2 my computer i get obsessed with my design stuff and now need 2 catch up with emails
september 8th from: Sarah J. Sunderman subject: re: greetingshello. thats good that you have been spending alot of time in Illustrator, it is a hard program, takes alot of time. I miss espresso everyday, even though i can imagine that its alot different now. I have been wanting to find another coffee job, i think im good at it, but no lilttle place is hiring and i refuse to apply at starbucks.
im all settled into my house with my four housemates, although some of my stuff is still in boxes and i have alot of pictures i need to get matted and framed to put on the walls. as far as photography, i have been working as photo editor for my school’s magazine, which you knew about, i have 8 photographers that work under me which is wierd because i give them assignments and stuff, i never thought i would be in this sort of position. tonight i am doing pictures for a band that taylor’s little brother plays drums for. its been great living in a house with my best friends, cause we all have the same energies, no drama, we are all not typical girls haha. as far as boyfriends, i highly doubt that i will date this year, simply because guys in this school dont like girls like me haha. i do have many close guy friends that we cook for, and they take out our trash and mow our yard and such. but thats what boys are for right? haha. as far as cat friends, we have one cat named River, and she thinks all of us are wierd because we love her so much. my classes, all 8 of them, are good so far. right now im in my media law class, which is interesting but i do not really like doing case studies. i am in a british literature class, which is somewhat elementary, we are reading beowulf which i read in high school, but it is a discussion class which i like. the classes i look forward to most are my theatre appreciation class, and my geology class, i really enjoy geology, i have since i was 5 and started a rock collection.
do you think you will ever make it to LA, even if just for a film festival? and do you have any leads for design work in atlanta?
Id like to see some of the stuff you are working on in illustrator
taylor, tayrae, is gone, our goodbye was strange due to his need to feel like he has to walk on eggshells around me, he barely shared with me his travel plans, he has seen me cry way too many times last semester about not being able to go, he wanted to be sensitive about it, but im ok, im happy he still gets to experience it all. i will get there soon, someday.
how has shari’s visit been, cat sititng, sitting on cats? how far of a drive is atlanta anyway? I believe taylor is in rome right now as well, its been hard trying to stay in touch with them cause of the time difference, and because they have been partying it up over there.
i havent seen district 9 yet, i know i probably should, any other movies youve seen lately? i still would like recommendations for films to rent.
what exactly does shari do? you mentioned church work?
also tell doug i said hello.
keep me updated on the process of your websites, coding is something i have never ben able to understand. tiffany is pretty good at it.
hows your camera holding up? will you try to find ice skating in atlanta?
hope you have safe travels.
please do stay in touch, hope to hear from you soon.
september 10th from: late spring subject: re: greetingsLA doesn’t seem 2 b happening
glad u r all settled in picking doug up at midnite at airport and we plan 2 leave sat with so much still 2 do finally saw blanca at espresso which is certainly definitely absolutely not the same without little sarah!!!
what will u do 4 work? money?
funny about taerae no goodbyes!!! i am a real goodbye person! glad 2 hear u r settled in and get along so well with ur roommates but crazy about how many classes u r taking don’t quite know how u r taking so many
yes, of course espresso is different, at leat 4 me, ur not there
doug has returned and we will hang out for a couple or three days have lots 2 do need 2 mail books 5 boxes dvd’s about the same and then UPS my paintings which also need 2 having wrapping done
and then need 2 get some stuff 4 the road like a good jack and lug wrench not looking forward 2 drive but will b anxious 2 c an old friend, Luisa, in Alamogordo, whom we just were able 2 contact
i have been spending all my time with design stuff and putting things on a web site, but the web site is not yet posted even though i have a web host and also need 2 get internet service here with Clear b4 going back so this is done when we return 2 atlanta the problem with not getting back when we need 2 has 2 do with our cats in atlanta and the burden on cat sitters one of whom is across the hall, but the other who cleans the litter is across town beckett et al taking a long deserved rest and i miss reading it was a real luxury but now just got so much 2 do and not sure if in the end my camera is good enough 2 take the kind of pictures of the paintings i want like 2 hear more about ur photo work and need 2 catch up with u on facebook
time 2 do some book packing and mailing will try 2 write more later b4 we leave
take care
what kind of girls do the men in your school like? vegas clubbers?, shallow?, dumb?, cheerleaders?
I understand now why my summer was supposed to happen how it did.
I learned more in 3 months than I have learned in the past 2 years.
“used to be one of the rotten ones and i liked you for that”
“park that car drop that phone sleep on the floor dream about me”
i had a horrible dream about growing up too fast.
catch up.
“this place is a prison, these people aren’t your friends “
“inhaling thrills through $20 bills and the tumblers are drained and then flooded again and again”
It has only been two years since our girls scattered like beads. Some knew where they would bounce to, others hit the table and rolled in a completely different direction than ever thought. It has the ones with direction asking “whats wrong with us.”
One of our own checked into rehab Tuesday night, so we called in the troops, and spent the evening crying and praising the Lord.
We share in anger and hurt. Distrust. But love and care. We all brush it off annoyingly as we pull on ours masks.
But now it must be ever so evident, since it is starting to be for her.
We all think about her all day but collectively at 4pm.
Though the details are few, we know she made the step, and is enrolled in a 5 day program.
My girl is rough, tough, and determined. I pray she goes through til the end.
I also pray for that precious baby boy, that we all love although we were not there for her pregnancy or the delivery.
We praised God for the progress her father has made. He loves that child so much. God is amazing for making him a grandfather on his own birthday.
Don’t let anything touch her God, can you promise me?
According to Bradley I am a triple threat. I’m a genius, a mind-reader, and a coffee maker.
Bradley is this old gentleman that comes in to my shop twice a day. He orders the same thing- medium americano, no set-up, just the mug. He has Alzheimer’s as well. Some days I can tell it is worse than others. He sneezes really loud and violent. He ice skates, and skate boards (he only wears chunky skater shoes). He is the smartest person I have ever met, he knows everything about anything. He has done everything too. He will come in sometimes with work, or a book, slip off his skater shoes and sit for hours. He will occasionally get up, shuffling around the shop busing tables, collecting dirty dishes and bring them to the counter for us to wash. He shuffles around in his argyle socks, that never match. He has tried everything, he is interested in everything, be it film, art, foreign languages, poltics, photography, history, athletics. He listens to Bjork.
He makes me want to be a better person.
I have realized that I am not smart, just not a smart person. I am ok with that.
According to David I am very young, and need to find my voice.
David is this middle-aged gay man who comes into my shop everyday, some days twice, other days three times. He wears the same thing everyday too, not the same clothes just the same look. A polo with a large Polo logo on the left breast tucked into khaki shorts with a belt, a page-boy hat, and some sort of stylish tennis shoe made my Adidas. Oh and a messenger bag. He always brings in a self-help book, about being successful. His orders vary, some days our French breakfast, others our Greek breakfast with iced tea, or maybe a cap. He is a recovering photographer, trying to avoid keeping it as a hobby since he does not care for digital. He loves, loves, to talk. We have one Michael Jackson (so sad) song in our playlist of thousands of songs, that David will always get up and dance to. He has a crush on another regular named Mason who has a girlfriend, to which David says “don’t you wish your girlfriend was hot like me”.. He really did say that. He is Kaballist, Kaballaite? He practices Kabala.
David makes me realize that there are alot of lonely people, and that it is so important to treat everyone, no matter how close they are to you or not, like they are near and dear friends. I can’t just be the girl who makes his mocha frappe, I have to show him I am excited to see him. And not just me but our whole shop. Places like this are vital to a community.
According to Nick I just need to do it and not worry about the rest.
Nick is an older (fifties maybe) English man, who has lived everywhere and has somehow landed in Vegas. He is so smooth. We have made a drink after him- the Nickaccino, 2 shots, 2 raw sugars, perfect foam sprinkled with chocolate powder. He always hits on younger women, but to him he does not understand why girls get grossed out because in England it is different I guess. He wears Toms. Smokes Marbolos Turkish blend. And has a picture of a woman dressed as an Angel as his desktop (Mac of course) background. He has good taste in alot of things, music, clothes, dessert choices. He split his Tiramisu with me the other day. He is experienced, and very street smart.
He assures me that I know who I am. Sometimes we have to hear from another that we know who we are to believe it.
I love them.
finals start tomorrow.
and we are out of alot of things. paper towels, shampoo, face wash, deodorant, trash bags..
yup its the end of another semester.
I am no longer going to London in the Fall. And I am pretending to have peace about it. I just don’t talk about it.
But I will be photo editor in the Fall for POINT Magazine. Which is an open door.
This issue went over really well. I am very proud. Now to top it will be a challenge.
Anyways, quick updates are for when I don’t really know what to say.
I am stuck. I know there is something I do not get. And in order to understand that something (whatever it is) I do not have to give up anything, so I do not know how to get my hands on it. Usually that is the case, to get B you have to give up A or add C, or adjust A and/or C. But not this time.
I want it very badly. And in some way I expect God to reward me with it, which is ridiculous. I think I’m ready for it but obviously not because I have not been able to wrap my head around it. I think I am in the right place, but I guess not.
Some say recognizing my lack of it means I’m showing it. How does that work?
It has become my biggest insecurity. And since I am bored my insecurity says horrible things to me. But since it is my insecurity I believe it and run away from things, throwing my hands in the air. It is now a hindrance, holding me back from everything, including making decisions, even having an opinion or showing interest in anything.
It is maturity.
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